Questions To Ask Homeschool Haters

Image by Matthias Ripp

This one goes out to the homeschool haters. You know who you are. You've asked (more that once) if I'm sure I've made "the best decision" for my child. Or maybe you've started posting "funny" jokes about how weird homeschooling is - or you’ve shared links to articles bashing homeschooling, adding a "just sayin" comment, as if you have some skin in the game – some reason to feel so strongly about homeschooling either way.

And I’ve realized you do. 
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So now I’m ‘just sayin’ something in response, because it’s time someone did.

​This weird, mean-spirited tendency some moms have (typically it's moms) to slam homeschoolers is spreading as fast as homeschooling itself. These ladies are "worried" about the socialization, academic achievement, and the hidden abuse that could potentially happen. And they also worry about tsunamis and any number of other things that really shouldn’t concern them.

And although these harpies have done absolutely ZERO research into what homeschooling actually is (or else they'd know their concerns are unfounded and I wouldn't be writing this), they're very opinionated on the topic. Very aggressive.

So now I’m encouraging homeschooling parents to ask THEM some questions.

But no, I do NOT encourage you to ask the obvious question, which is: Why are they so worried about someone else's child(ren) suffering some horrible, fictional scenarios their paranoid minds have manufactured? (That’s kind of creepy, right?) We won’t ask that because it comes off as defensive and there’s really no reason to be. 

The questions I encourage you to ask come from a place of concern. For their children. And PLEASE, please – be sure to demonstrate the appropriate shock, sadness and disbelief in both tone and body language, as these ‘traditional school’ kids are suffering - and their befuddled parents likely are as well. Poor things. Be their voice.

The questions:

• Does your daughter get the standard 15-20 minutes of recess each day? Do you think that's enough?
• Or is she at a school where ALL unstructured time is gone, replaced instead with daily teacher-led P.E.? Do you see anything good about that?
• So many schools don’t let kids sit with friends and talk at lunch-time – is your child’s school like that? Are you sure? 
• Do you know what the day is actually like for him? Not just lunchtime lockdowns and lack of recess, but the school environment, how teachers talk to them (classroom management shouldn't be shouting) and overall safety? Shouldn't you?

• With so little recess/free time, when are they socializing? I hope you’re involved in sports! 
• Speaking of sports – is there even time? 8am-3pm or thereabouts, right? A seven-hour day must be rough on your little guy. Does that include morning/after-care? Travel time? So, closer to 9 hrs then? Ouch.
• So tell me about her homework. Do you find yourself struggling to teach concepts she should have learned in school every night, or only once or twice per week? 
  
• How many hours of homework does he have each night anyway? That replaces “family time” for you folks now, right? How stressful for everyone!
• Between travel, school and homework, she doesn’t have much free time to actually be a kid, hmm? Is that REALLY what’s best for your child?
• When do you get to spend time with your child outside of traveling to/from school and sports? Do you ever talk to her about life in general? Do you really even know her? 
• You understand the whole "life is short" concept, right? 
• Is your child happy? Shouldn't that matter to you?
• Is school preparing your child for the world - or for that next test?
• Ever consider quitting your job to be a more devoted parent? #JustSayin
• As it isn’t happening in school, does he interact regularly with children of different ages/backgrounds in unstructured environments? Or are you okay with exposing him to a very narrow subset of people (and developing a correspondingly narrow view of the world)? That might not play out so well on the ‘ol college applications, you know . . .
• Are you worried about him getting in to college? Guess as long as it’s one of the “common core” colleges, he should be okay, right? I hear those exist now.
• Speaking of college – many kids struggle transitioning from high school to such an entirely different educational environment. How are you preparing her for that change? 
• How guilty do you feel sending him to school when he’s crying, overtired, scared or just not feeling well? Maybe give him a hug before you do next time, so he knows you don't hate him.
• Public school, huh? With 30-40 students per class, does she feel sad about being faceless and ignored most days, or is she gifted/have special needs that provide a few minutes of individual attention? 
• Have you sat in on any of these 'special' classes by the way? Don't you think you should?
• Private school, hmm? Aren’t you worried that he won’t know how to interact with people from different socioeconomic backgrounds? 
• And aren’t you concerned he’ll emulate the elitist attitudes modeled by some of the other kids, parents, teachers? Why not?
• Was your school the one that had the police there last month for a bomb threat?
• Did that 'hallway beatdown' posted on Youtube happen at your child's school?
• Is that the school with the bullying problem? Oh wait, that’s all schools. Sorry, I was misremembering a study I read on teen suicide.
• It’s crazy how many teachers (bus drivers, aides, etc.) are arrested for inappropriate contact with kids! Have you talked to your little one about what is/isn’t a ‘bad touch’ and secrets they shouldn't keep and such? 
• And are you sure your older one isn’t being groomed for some sort of sexual relationship? Check those texts!
• What IS the background of each teacher your child is entrusted to each day? Why don't you know?
• Are any of your child's teachers sharing inappropriately on social media? Are any teachers in contact with your child outside of the classroom? Have you asked? Have you checked? How can you be sure?

And finally – the kicker:

• Is there a good reason why you aren’t homeschooling? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. I know it must be tough and you’re doing the best you can.
  

​The Fallout

Before any “classroom” parent attempts to tell me off – I’m not saying great schools and great teachers don’t exist. I’m sure many do. I know a few myself. And many kids excel in these schools – they excel academically, socially and emotionally. JUST LIKE MANY HOMESCHOOL KIDS excel academically, socially and emotionally at home. 

See what I did there? 

The questions above are intentionally offensive, out-of-line, and unnecessary. 

Are you, non-homeschooler, an idiot with little to no understanding of what’s best for your child? Are you someone so detached from reality, so self-involved in your quest for societal acceptance, or so hell bent on creating the best little mini-me possible, that you can’t see how much harm you’re doing?

Of course not. And neither are homeschooling parents. So enough with the misplaced rage. Go find a tsumani to battle, supermoms.

And finally – do homeschoolers think their kids are somehow ‘better’? Seriously?! Do I think MY child is more fantastic than yours? Absolutely! And 'you' could be someone who homeschools or 'traditional' schools. My kid is the bees knees. Don’t you feel the same about your own child? 

Every child has something (or many things) wonderfully fantastic about them and if celebrating my homeschooled child’s successes offends you or makes you think it’s about your child somehow - that’s on you. 

And now these questions are too.